Heartbroken

My life as a stay at home mom is pretty lonely at times. One of the things that I do to keep myself from feeling completely bored is read other peoples blogs. I love reading about my friends and family that there never seems to be enough time to see anymore. If I find out about someones blog that I didn't know about I get excited to read and see what that person is up to. One of my friends from high school recently posted on facebook that she started a blog and I was excited to go and read about her life. My excitement turned quickly to heartbreak when I started to read her blog. It was about her newborn baby that had a heart condition. Her beautiful baby girl was very ill and she was writing a blog to keep her family and friends informed about her progress. I followed her blog religiously. I even prayed for this adorable baby that I have never met. My friend, Amy, would write and I would cry, but also feel inspired. Amy showed amazing faith in God. She was such an example to me through her unwavering belief that God was lifting her and helping her make it through this difficult time. Amy's baby lost her battle today and returned to her Father in Heaven. I wept for a child that I had never met, but had grown to love through Amy's posts. I wept for Amy and her family. Yet through all my tears I am grateful for Amy's faith in her church. FOREVER FAMILIES!
I have never taken death well. Up until about four years ago I have never had anyone close to me die before I felt that it was their time. Then about three years ago my Father-in-law was taken from us before I was willing to let go. We were devestated, but my husband was even more than devestated. They were best friends. Then we started studying scriptures from our church and we found comfort. You see, my church believes that God has a plan for families. That plan is that families should be together forever. Families are sealed to eachother through temple ordinances. These ordinances make it possible to live together as a family after our life on earth. I know that my Father-in-law is waiting for us to join him in Heaven. I also feel his presence helping us get through many hard times. My belief in forever families was furthered stregnthened when we nearly lost my son Logan. When Logan was three weeks old he got RSV. He was really, really sick so we rushed him up to Primary Childrens hospital. When they went to take him out of the car seat he had stopped breathing and was blue. Luckily we had great doctors that worked on Lo and got him breathing again. Alot of prayers were said that day.
I have another friend from High school that described my church as strict and judgemental. I have found my church to be the exact opposite. For nearly a third of my life I questioned whether there was a God. I had many great people in my life that guided me. The people within my LDS faith were such an example to me. I never felt judged while I was doing things that were rebellious. My parents stood by me and showed me great love. My church has many guidelines that may seem strict. At times I did not follow those guidelines. In looking back at those such times I realise why they set such guidelines. All those things that the church said not to do only caused me unhappiness when I participated in them. I have seen many lives ruined by consuming alcohol, by having sex before marraige, and so forth. My church also teaches not to judge others. I am not perfect and neither are the people within the church, but the church is. I enjoy many beliefs that may be considered liberal to some, but the LDS religion does not frown upon that. I am truly grateful for my testimony of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I am especially thankful tonight for the knowledge that I will be able to live with my family in Heaven. I cannot wait to see my Grandparents and Steve. I hope tonight that my friend Amy can feel the arms of her Heavenly Father around her and her family. I also pray that Angie can feel Kirk with her when she need him. I am thankful that I have not had the trial of a husband or child die before I was ready to say goodbye. Tonight I am heartbroken for those that have.